This week I have gotten several emails from Ed that have left me feeling quite nostalgic for New York and even the Bronx Family Court. It is amazing how in retrospect, I miss the job that I claim made me miserable. The weather in Seattle has taken a turn for the colder and grayer, and I find myself missing the New York City fall. I am just thinking about how if I would have stayed, I would have just made my three year anniversary date at the Law Department.
But what can be said for choices that we make. I still lament things and wonder where I would be if I would have made different decisions a long time ago. Lately, my biggest regret is not pursuing the Foreign Service after I passed the written exam. Perhaps if I would have done so I now would be fluent in French and not someone who has to resort to watching French movies non-stop for any exposure to the French language. Maybe it wouldn’t be French, but some other language. Maybe I would be more like my friends from college who actually live in or work regarding the countries that they studied.
I don’t want to be this person who is contantly living life in the past tense. Part of my decision to move to Seattle was to be someone who acts in life, rather than someone who lets things happen to them. One thing that I realized from this move is that although much of life is about taking your destiny into your own hands (as trite as that may sound), most of life is actually learning how to absorb the shocks and blows that you are dealt (I am trying to avoid an even more trite expression). I realize this sounds completely non-sensical when compared to my previous post regarding how I am single-handedly responsible for all of the world’s faults.
We all are entitled to be somewhat contradictory – kind of like the contradiction of Manhattan and the Bronx both being a part of the same city and both being places that I love.