Someone Else’s Happy News is Now My Happy News

I will be honest. I can’t make heads or tails of the above ultrasound pictures, but my sister Melissa swears it is a baby, albeit a very tiny, not completely developed one. Melissa has never lied to me, so I am going to take her at her word on this one. I am thrilled, thrilled for Melissa and her husband Jordan. Without publishing a statement of someone else’s medical records on the Internet, I can just safely say that we didn’t think that this could happen for Melissa so easily, so it is certainly thrilling news.

I think I have written before about how my sister Melissa is one of the best people in the world. Seriously, she is up there with Tim Tebow even without having painted inspirational biblical passages underneath her eyes. I love, love, love her. I can’t possibly say enough good things about her. So I am so happy that she and her husband Jordan get to have this kind of happiness. It has been contagious for the rest of our family. We were not so sure that any of the Street girls would ever procreate. A new generation of us is very, very exciting.

This post also affords me the opportunity to rant about one of my biggest expectant parents pet peeves. I cannot stand when the father of the baby says, “We’re pregnant.” Every time I hear a father say that I want to say, no, you are not pregnant. That is a medical condition that you do not have. It strikes me as entirely insensitive and trivializing of the mother’s condition. You can be there for a wife and be a part of the process of pregnancy without claiming to share the medical condition. Here are some acceptable statements by a husband instead of the “We’re Pregnant” statement:

“We are expecting a baby.”
“My wife is pregnant and we are very excited.”

It isn’t that complicated, men.

But back on the happier note, I am so happy for you Melissa and Jordan!

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3 thoughts on “Someone Else’s Happy News is Now My Happy News

  1. I think I said "we're pregnant" a few times, but I hope I never sounded as if I was trivializing Suzanne's entirely unique experience. I always thought of it as a way of showing unity, that I would be helping my wife get through the pregnancy. To me when a husband says "My wife is pregnant" that says that he is disconnected and that he feels like his wife is the one that has to do it all without him. When in fact not, if he is a caring and loving husband, he will be providing plenty of massages, changing his diet, and doing everything to help his wife through the physical part of the pregnancy. You see pregnancy is also much more than just the physical. There is a mental and emotional part to it too, and in that the husband is a part of it, and if husband and wife are truly "one flesh" and of one heart and one mind, then "we're pregnant is entirely appropriate.

  2. Congratulations Melissa! She will be a great mom. I think it's ok for a husband to say "We're pregnant" as long as he shares in the burden by giving his wife nightly massages and indulging her food cravings. Thanks, Drew. By the way, I still want brownies, ice cream, cookies, and cupcakes all the time. Just because I am no longer prego does not mean that I do not need these things.

  3. Drew, I understand your point of wanting to feel a part of things, but pregnancy is a medical condition. There are a hundred other ways to convey the emotion and excitement, but the fact is that only a woman has to deal with the physical, bodily changes that come with it. Pregnancy as a condition is unique to women, and men can share in the experience of bringing a new life into the world without co-opting the word "pregnancy" which is uniquely something that a woman experiences physically, beyond the emotional and mental components. It doesn't mean you aren't part of the experience. However, I think saying "we're pregnant" and acting like the changes are the same between and a man and a women, in my view, trivializes the real physical pain and change that a woman experiences with a pregnancy. I think of it this way – a woman can't say "We hold the priestood" just because she is married. She doesn't. She can access the blessings of the priesthood, but it would be a fallacy for her to say that she literally holds priesthood power. The same way, a man can access the blessings of childbirth and all of that but physically cannot experience the condition. That is my view of it. I know you didn't mean it in a trivializing way when you said it, and I understand where you are coming from, but I just don't like it because I don't think it is the same at all.

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