Must I always repeat myself with my geriatric advice?

So I took this Pew Center quiz about “How Millennial Are You?” and as it turns out, I am not millennial at all. I scored an 11.  Seriously, this puts my score the same as the average score of someone older than my parents. So now, that it is established that I am an old crank who really should have sent in my resume for being CBS’s 60 Minutes “Resident Old Crank” after Andy Rooney died, I feel like that offers a sufficient introduction for this:

I observe a range of terrible things that the kids are wearing these days, seeing as how I work on a university campus.  It brings tears to my eyes when I see running shorts masquerading as appropriate classroom attire or last year when I saw a girl just walking across campus with bikini bottoms as pants and a backpack.  I mean, what is this place, Southern California? I thought that in the South, we still maintained the vestiges of public formality, but I guess I was wrong on that score.

The only thing that bothers me more than “underdressing”  is when “trendy” dressing involves itself in ruining something that actually is supposed to be used as functional attire.  If I see one more girl walking around the law library on a sunny day in Hunter boots, I will just about lose it.  So, young ladies, here is a list of acceptable times/places to wear Wellies:

1. When it is raining outside and you will be walking somewhere with poor drainage/mud.

2. When you are out in the country, walking in tall grass, woods, mud, cold water, etc.

3. When you are doing yard work in dirt, mud, etc.

That is it. The list is complete. Now can we all agree that wearing bikini bottoms as pants in freshman English is not appropriate?

I hate to play the role of fashion police, but seriously.

Also, lest you think that I think all college students are guilty of these atrocious crimes, let’s remind ourselves that here on campus, we have some excellent fashion emissaries in the form of the North Carolina Tar Heel Men’s Basketball Team bench. Roy Williams has brought it for a long time, thanks to Julian’s here in Chapel Hill. But with Leslie McDonald and now Dexter Strickland sidelined for the rest of the year, the team has been demonstrating their own fashion (as well as dancing) prowess.  See the following exhibits below:

Finally, I have been trying to convince David that he really needs a Carolina Blue wool sport coat in his wardrobe:

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