I really need the sun to come out

North Carolina in October has decided to become Seattle in October. It has been about a week since the sun has been out and the days have been cloudy with intermittent misty rain.  Clearly, this is not good for my current state of mind.

On Saturday, I tried to be okay.  It was helpful to have a dear friend drive down from D.C. to spend some time with me. We wasted a few hours at brunch and shopping and it was helpful to forget for a while.  The afternoon was spent in celebration of Knightley’s birthday. We took Knightley to Pet Smart to pick out a Halloween costume. We settled on Woody, although the costume is a bit too small.

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Gotta love a tiny hat on a dog!

We then took Knightley over to his friends’ house for a birthday celebration.

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Clover decided he wanted to get the party started by making things wet and wild.

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So, of course the birthday boy got it first. Slightly wetter, he took a moment to take a picture with me.

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Then, it was time for the main event, Pupcakes! Noelle and Sarah had baked them earlier and Laser and Clover had already approved of the batter.

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Of course, Knightley approved whole-heartedly and tried to down his pupcake in a single mouthful.

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So on Saturday, I thought that things were looking up and getting better.

Sunday hit me hard. The only way of saying this and being truthful about things is to say that on Sunday I felt like complete shit. On Saturday, my bleeding and cramping had subsided and I thought the worst of the physical pain was over. On Sunday, it all came back and has persisted since then. The cramping and the bleeding resumed and left me feeling miserable physically. So of course, that is exactly how I ended up feeling mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

I have since been informed by my doctor that the physical pain and symptoms could persist for up to another week. Saturday was just a brief reprieve. So that is why I really need for the sun to come out. I need to feel like I will not be living for so long thinking about what could have been and what no longer is.

I keep thinking that I have a pretty high threshold for pain of all kinds, but I don’t know if it is true anymore that feeling more pain his helping me become an even stronger person.  I feel weaker now than ever.

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