So, like most of America in late 2015, I got the new Adele Album, 25. I sat listening to her song “When We Were Young” thinking, um Adele, you are writing this album when you are 25, you are still young. And then I figured it out. I get it. Having children makes you feel old. Even if you are, like Adele, a young adult when you have those children. I am much older than Adele and I feel impossibly old. Sometimes, I talk about high school and college like they were yesterday and then I realize, they were a really long time ago.
However, in a strange way, having children also takes me back to my post-adolescent idealistic phase because I want to be my best self for my boys. I want to be completely ethically consistent and strive to be the kind of person that I want them to be. When I see how materialistic, selfish and stratified the world has become, I am sad. Sure, there have always been class boundaries, and certainly racism has always been endemic to the humans, but these days, I am trying to do my best for my boys to be able to acknowledge the privilege into which they were born and then do something positive in that world.
So I haven’t been blogging because I don’t see blogging as a force for good in the world. It is a way for shallow people to showcase their materialistic lives, as is pretty much all of social media. It is a way for people to turn their children into little commodities to increase their bank accounts and their consumption of goods that they deem to be “tasteful” according to the prevailing aesthetic sentiment in the world of privileged white people.
I don’t want my kids to be a good to be leveraged for Google advertising and page views. I want them to have an authentic childhood that isn’t going to be judged by internet strangers and then stuck on a page for millions to see in the future. I want them to have the opportunity to write their own stories. Yes, I want to keep memories of them in the written form, but those shouldn’t be for the public consumption of others. Perhaps it has taken me too long to figure this out. No doubt, I still have plenty of other materialistic shortcomings that I haven’t rooted out of me. Those are things I need to work out for the good of myself, my children, and for the world in which I live.
I see the shallowness of the blogging world and I don’t want any part of that. In fact, it really has bothered me lately, when in my own religious tradition, really wonderful people who happen to to love people who are the same sex are being told they are apostates for loving someone else, people who make a living off of selling a fake lifestyle, using their children as props are held up as paragons of virtue. I know, who am I to judge, right? Those aren’t my religious values. Those aren’t my ethical values. And frankly, I don’t think Jesus Christ would disagree with me on that.
So yes, I don’t see myself blogging for a while. I am just going to be enjoying my life with my boys in the same way that people did before the Internet.