I said that I was done with blogging, and I thought I was. This embittered return is brought to you by approximately 48% of American voters who decided to make a festering, decaying pile of last week’s Cheetos President of the United States. Did I mention that pile of Cheetos is also racist? And misogynist? And stupid? And fraudulent? And selfish? And greedy? And lustful for power? All of the horrible things, in other words.
So, I cannot stay silent for the next four years. I have to use every outlet available to me, even if one of those outlets is a blog seldom visited by others. It feels cathartic and right. So sorry Internet, you have to deal with more of my ramblings again.
Today’s edition is brought to you by way of inspiration from Ethan Cohen’s sarcastic Thank You notes he wrote in the New York Times to thank those who had a hand in Tuesday’s results. I have been mostly been waffling between grief and anger this week, but sometimes a good dose of sarcasm feels helpful to counteract the effect of those two extremes. It feels right today.
Let me preface my letters with this. I don’t hate all white men! Not all men! There is my dad, who even though he is a Republican, didn’t vote for Trump. There is my husband, who is as big of an HRC supporter as they come. There are my darling boys, who will one day grow up to be white men who, if I can help it in any way, won’t fit into any of the categories of white men who will be addressed in the letters below. And finally, there are many, many other white men who I am pleased to call friends or family and who have impacted my life in positive ways and who I praise for their kindness, understanding and goodness. If you are reading this: you are most likely one of those people. Don’t take offense, because you are probably one of those, okay?
Now for the rest of you: you know me and I know you. We have never gotten along. In middle school, you called me Feminazi and “Dougiette” (female Dougie Houser, I am told). You gave me noogies. You liked to mock me. In high school, your language to describe me turned a little more colorful. One of you dirtbags popped my bra strap in my PE class. In college and law school, you thought I didn’t know my place. I wasn’t the BYU “marrying” type. I was too outspoken and called you out on your chauvinism. You said things to me like I was taking up space in law school that should have gone to a man with a family to support. We have known each other a long time and we haven’t been friends. Sure, there may have been times when I have tried to hide my feelings for the sake of being accepted in the frivolous way that all people do in their lives, but I have always regretted it. Your acceptance was always short-lived and always reminded me of how empty conformity is. So let’s get a little more specific, dear white men, because I have a few things to say after you all blew it for us.
Dear Michael Moore: Why are you everywhere right now? Shut up. We don’t need your Monday Morning quarterbacking. You said Donald Trump was going to win back in June or July and now you are doing your victory lap for “being right.” That’s so great the spotlight has returned to you! But let me ask, what were you actually doing to stop Donald Trump from being elected? You only seem to pop back up to tell the rest of us how wrong we were, and that doesn’t strike me as someone who is a true progressive – but an opportunist. You suck. Your movies are overwrought and unhelpful and you didn’t do enough to get HRC elected President to sound so high and mighty now. You are the case in point to the larger group I am about to address next.
Dear Liberal White Men Who Are Littering Facebook, the Huffington Post, and Salon Talking about How HRC is the Worst and Now other Liberal White Men Need to Take Over the DNC: You aren’t helping. You claim that HRC didn’t do enough to win the vote of working class white men and that she should have talked about trade more. Oh, I am sorry that the world’s attention wasn’t focused on you and your problems for about five minutes. I am sorry HRC was trying to bring attention to some long forgotten issues that particularly affect women – like family leave, equal pay for equal work, subsidized child care, universal free Pre-K; or she was trying to comfort people terrorized in Donald Trump’s vision of America – immigrants, refugees, people of color, and Muslims – by talking about things like implicit bias, criminal justice reform, and comprehensive immigration reform. I suppose the fact that she lost the vote of white men had everything to do with the fact that she wasn’t talking enough about trade and nothing to do with the fact that white men preferred to vote for a misogynistic dumpster fire instead. No, we women had our chance, so now we need to surrender the future of the Democratic party back to you white males who will tell us what we need to care about in the future. I understand. Thank you too for reminding me of my place. Also, more likely than not, if you are the one saying these things now, you weren’t out there working like mad to get HRC elected and to stop Donald Trump. You may have been too busy lamenting Bernie’s demise to work the phone lines, canvass neighborhoods, or register people to vote.
Dear White Men Who Voted for Donald Trump: I get it, not all of you hate women. You just don’t mind voting for a candidate for President who hates women, who sexually assaults women, who only can talk about women by talking about their personal appearance, who in his own words claims he doesn’t respect women. You don’t hate ALL women right? You just hated this woman running so much that it was preferable to elect a President who does hate all women. Can’t be too careful, right? I mean, she had a private email server, right? That must mean that she is the worse option comparative to someone who never knew a minority group that he couldn’t insult in some way.
Oh wait, I get it; now I am being the intolerant “hateful” one by saying this. I am supposed to “come together as an American”, which really means, shut the hell up and not be angry that any of this is happening. I am supposed to relearn my place in American society. You all have been telling me this since middle school. Why don’t I just learn my place and deal like the 53% of white women who voted for Trump? They accepted their inferiority as women, so why can’t I?
Dear White Men Who Will Be in Power For the Next Four Years: Prepare to be held accountable for everything that you do and say. The majority of this country who didn’t vote for you to be in power, myself included, will not be silent. We won’t give up. I cannot give up. There are too many things to fight for – most importantly fighting for the kinder, more inclusive, dare I say more-female America, that I know is there waiting to burst to the surface one we work this mess out.